Since putting on my weight, I have acquired a fear of flying. It isn't the fear of flying, or crashing, though I have always had that fear as well, but it is the fear that I am going to get onto the plane, find my seat, and not be able to fit or buckle up. I should say that this fear also applies to theme park rides. Something about those itty bitty seats that are so small I need my glasses to find them and then having other people see me struggle and not succeed in squishing and squeezing myself into them, really puts me on edge.
Anyway, I was flying to the Bay Area this weekend as a surprise trip, (which you can read all about on my other blog here http://mccutcheonclan5.blogspot.com/ ) and I felt that familiar anxiety building up. I would much rather drive the 10 hours than have to feel humiliation at not being able to fit in a seat.
So the time came for me to board, and OF COURSE I am in the middle seat!!! In between miss perfect pants, (tall, blond, thin, beautiful...you know the type) and a nice, young, attractive man. Why not, add salt to my wounds, go ahead!!!
I sucked up my pride, (and my gut) and slid into my seat. OH MY HECK! That didn't take any effort! Ok, now for the real test. I found my buckle and.....click! I did it!!! I was so proud of myself I was smiling like a circus clown. I couldn't believe how easy that all was. Yes the seats were still tight, but miss perfect pants and ALL the other travelers were uncomfortable. It wasn't just me!
After the weekend was over and I had to fly back home, I didn't feel the anxiety while waiting to board anymore. I was all prepared to squeeze in between two other passengers. Then God granted me an open row. Haha, I got all 3 seats to myself :)
Now, my fear of not fitting in the seats is null and void, I can focus all my fear of flying on the REAL threat, Crashing!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Dang Teenagers!!!
So I have been going to the gym with my 14 yr old daughter. I want her to gain a knowledge and dare I say enjoyment, for working out and staying fit while it it just for regular maintenance and not for a consequence to gaining weight.
Anyway, this child of mine, who puts up a fight to clean her room, or wash dishes or basically anything that requires physical labor, goes in to tan for the first 5 min's while I get onto the treadmill and start walking. By the time she comes out, I am sweating and breathing heavy and already hearing the evil demon in my head telling me I could stop early, "only do 1/2 a mile", "you can walk slower", " You did walk around the house more than usual this morning, you don't NEED to do as much today at the gym"....You know the normal crap. So she gets onto the treadmill, puts her Ipod in and starts dancing on the treadmill!!! I could'nt roll my eyes far enough into the back of my head. Then, I am sure it was just to show me up, she starts the machine and immediatley starts RUNNING!!!!
Oh-em-gee! Who does this kid think she is? Flippin' Jackie Joyner-Kersee??? Oy-Vay. So she is running, smiling, still dancing and I can barely hold my pace walking. In the time it took me to walk my 1 mile, she ran her 2. She even started 15 minutes after me. When I reached the end, I unplugged, wiped off the handles and stepped down. She noticed and decided to stop hers as well. She then says to me, "Is that all your doing mom?"
Needless to say, I felt very discouraged. I was sweating like an old hairy fat man and she hadn't even broken a sweat. I felt that she was one more point of proof that I had let myself go and I have a very steep hill to climb to get into a healthy state of being. I know she is young and in better shape, but I want to be able to do everything she can do. It is so hard to see my kids run, jump, play....etc. I know I will get there. I have to be patient. I have to stop comparing myself to my beautiful, talented, spoiled daughter. I won't be able to do everything she can do. and that's ok. Then I remembered I CAN do something she can't. Drive home!
Anyway, this child of mine, who puts up a fight to clean her room, or wash dishes or basically anything that requires physical labor, goes in to tan for the first 5 min's while I get onto the treadmill and start walking. By the time she comes out, I am sweating and breathing heavy and already hearing the evil demon in my head telling me I could stop early, "only do 1/2 a mile", "you can walk slower", " You did walk around the house more than usual this morning, you don't NEED to do as much today at the gym"....You know the normal crap. So she gets onto the treadmill, puts her Ipod in and starts dancing on the treadmill!!! I could'nt roll my eyes far enough into the back of my head. Then, I am sure it was just to show me up, she starts the machine and immediatley starts RUNNING!!!!
Oh-em-gee! Who does this kid think she is? Flippin' Jackie Joyner-Kersee??? Oy-Vay. So she is running, smiling, still dancing and I can barely hold my pace walking. In the time it took me to walk my 1 mile, she ran her 2. She even started 15 minutes after me. When I reached the end, I unplugged, wiped off the handles and stepped down. She noticed and decided to stop hers as well. She then says to me, "Is that all your doing mom?"
Needless to say, I felt very discouraged. I was sweating like an old hairy fat man and she hadn't even broken a sweat. I felt that she was one more point of proof that I had let myself go and I have a very steep hill to climb to get into a healthy state of being. I know she is young and in better shape, but I want to be able to do everything she can do. It is so hard to see my kids run, jump, play....etc. I know I will get there. I have to be patient. I have to stop comparing myself to my beautiful, talented, spoiled daughter. I won't be able to do everything she can do. and that's ok. Then I remembered I CAN do something she can't. Drive home!
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