The Queen of the fat women leads the way!

Kirstie Alley has a new show on tv. It's called Kirstie Alley's Big Life on A&E. She has had a successful career in the entertainment world and has been skinny and large all in the public eye. She had also been torn to shreds by the media because of her weight. I don't know how she has been able to handle it! I would probably have used the razor blades by now! She is a much stronger woman than I.
So, she weighs herself and asks her assistant to give her her weight in British measurements. (14lbs = 1 stone) Soon she realizes that the "stones" are more than she counted on. She walks out of the room ready to give up! Arms in the air and feet stomping.
How many times have I done the same? Ignorance is bliss, denial ain't just a river in Egypt! If I ignore the fat or the numbers or the fact that the dryer didn't shrink my jeans, then I'm not really getting fatter. It's just water weight left over from my period! I just need one good pee..... Ppsshh!
To justify the weight in her head and stay on track, Kirstie remembers that she wants to focus on how many stones she wants to lose not so much how many stones she weighs total! She comes back in the room with more determination than before!!! Like I said, a stronger woman than I.
Somehow, Ms. Alley can manipulate her mind to get where she is still eager to change. Even after a moment of discouragement.
In my path to health, so many bumps are going to pop up in my way, I have to find what manipulation will work for me. What can I tell my inner dialogue to get it over those bumps? Either " I only need to lose 10 pounds this month " or " 1 dress size before spring break ". Even if our daily manipulation changes like our outfits, work it out!
Today, my inner dialogue keeps yelling that the gym is going to be too tough, so now I get to yell back, you are playing it up more than needs be. It will be over before I know it :) What will you yell back???

- posted from my iPhone just for you <3

Woo hoo!!

I just weighed in at 262! AND, I am wearing my smallest jeans and I have to keep pulling them up!!! It is finally showing :D I feel so great and inspired to keep going! Seeing the numbers fall off is like having the best cheesecake drizzled with caramel and topped with whip cream and no inturuptions while scarfing it down! Or having an "O" !!!!!
That's enough weight to have given birth! TWICE!!!
Now to just keep going..... Happy day happy happy day! I might just have to celebrate with a all juice, no sugar Popsicle! Yummy (really want that cheesecake!)

Really uncoordinated

Ok, so who thought that the elipticall machine was a great idea??? I really thought I was being taped for candid camera or funniest videos. Oh my heck! I stepped up to the machine and thought, "ok, this should be like skiing, I can do this." I got on board and started moving my feet back and forth. I then grabbed the handles and tried to work them along with my feet.
Now I used to be a dancer. Granted it was a long time ago, but I was a tap dancer at one time. That takes coordination! I should have had no problem with the machine. I tried for a solid 10 minutes before I just gave up! I couldn't get in sync to save me life!!! I feel like the biggest dork alive!
I think that machine was invented for comedy relief for the gym rats. I guess some people got it and I am so not one of those people.
I will just stay content to walk or bike. I have also found that if I go late at night and put a towel over the status of what I am doing, I work harder and longer! I am getting to the place where I actually enjoy going to the gym. Well, at least driving there in silence!

- posted from my iPhone just for you <3

Trying it a different way

Today I walked into the gym and both of the stationary bikes (my usual machine to use) were taken, so I went and did my weights first. To stall even longer because the bikes were still being used, I did more reps than usual.

After stalling as long as I could, I decided to go and workout on the treadmill instead of the bike. Now all of us have seen the videos of the dork that falls on the treadmill and shoots across the room or ends up tumbling around like a sack of laundry while the moving part still runs. I have always been afraid that I would be just the dork to do that in public. So I have avoided the treadmill with great skill. I wasn't even sure how to start the dang thing! Regardless, I was going to try it today. I stepped up to the big bad machine and pressed start. It didn't move. OK....Then I pressed calorie burner (like I do on the bike) and entered in all the information it asked and it slowly started moving. Cool, I have started it! It was moving a little slow and there was someone from church in the gym today, so I didn't want to look like I didn't know what I was doing. So I pressed the speed up button. I pressed it about 5 times. I didn't realize that it needed to build up, I thought it didn't know I pressed the button the first 4 times. HOLY CRAP!!! I sped up alright! I was almost that dork that falls and gets shot across the room. Thank goodness I had enough sense to jump to the edges and press the slow down button! So far, not so good. Once it slowed down, I was able to get back on and I decided that the speed the treadmill had picked for me originally was just fine.

I have a very hard time actually sweating. I usually put off a lot of heat and turn bright red (my Irish German heritage). I may bead sweat, but not drip it like some do. Well today, I could feel that drip sweat coming on! I walked for 20 minutes and then decided that since the bikes were free, I would bike another 10 minutes. As soon as my legs turned the pedals, there it was, the drip sweat. I felt so accomplished! Yes, my legs were about to give out on me and my breathing was so deep, but I knew I had really worked! I still can't say that it felt great. But I had a smile on my face! I probably looked like the biggest idiot anyone had ever seen. Smiling and sweating all over the place. I was proud of myself. It was over for the day and I walked out confident that what I had just done was so good for my body. I still felt weak legged for about 2 hours afterwards, but it was still worth it.

Compared to many, it wasn't that great of a workout. Only 200 calories, 1/2 mile on the treadmill and 2 miles on the bike, but for me, a woman who believed exercise was the devils work just a month ago, That is a big deal. Don't get me wrong, I still think it is Satan's work. He invented it, God just found a good use for it.

So for today, the dork was not me. Well, at least not all the way. I learned, trust the machine, it probably knows better than I do!

She is a Workout NAZI....

Today I went to the gym earlier than usual because I could not sleep. You know when you have something on your mind before you go to bed and your mind just will not shut down. That was me last night. I had an emotional issue and my mind would not shut off! Now my normal way to deal with this would have been to run to my fridge and eat everything in sight. I caught myself this time and instead of eating, I chose to get over to the gym. Yes, it was an hour and a half earlier than normal, but I knew if I got my aggression out in a different place then my food pantry, I would feel better in the long run.

I have (for this moment) connected my eating failures and my emotions! So proud of myself, big pat on the back. So I even decided to push myself at the gym and I stepped it up on the bike to level 2. Not too bad. I did alright. Sweat a little bit more, breathed a little heavier, but I felt OK. I left the gym after completing my weight reps and drove home. So far, day had started better then the day before.

I also had been invited to join a kickboxing class at church 3 days a week for one hour each time. I was as pumped for this class as a Jersey Shore kid is when he does his fist pumps for the paparazzi! I figured, it's a church class, really, how tough can it be??? It will probably be a bunch of old ladies and a sweet teacher with her little kids running around. More chit chat than actual sweat. I even brought my 13 year old daughter to do it with me.

WHATTA FOOL!!! Oh my Lord in Heaven, save me from the crazy Kickboxing Nazi!!! I used to like her on Sunday. She would smile and dress so nice and had the sweetest children. IT IS ALL A FACADE!!! She is EVIL!!! There was no chit chat. All I remember is screaming and pushing and crying! I don't know why she would do this to people! I don't know why someone didn't warn me ahead of time! I brought my poor innocent daughter with me! We started with some kicks, punch, I don't even know. I was flailing all over the place. I am sure I looked like a horrible mess. A red, hot, horrible mess. The music was faster than should ever be allowed and SHE WAS SMILING THE ENTIRE TIME! What the heck??? I looked up at the clock and the minute hand had only moved 5 minutes!!! The class was an hour long. I looked over at my sweet child that I had given life to from my OWN body and she had turned into some demonic monster that was actually ENJOYING it! Who was she??? This is the same kid that groans when I ask her to take out the trash or grab the mail from the mailbox at the end of the driveway, and now she enjoys self inflicted torture. After half an hour, the teacher said in her sweet, sing song voice, "now it's time to really get going!" AHHHH! No way! I knew my body was not going to carry me any further so I decided that since I did go to the gym already in the morning, I was cool with not actually finishing the class. I sat and rested let my daughter finish the class. Funny though, she was able to workout and text me all at the same time. I was having trouble just remembering to breathe and follow the teacher let alone concern myself with texting!!! I did get to reflect on the class and I learned that you get out of it what you put in. The teacher had such a great time because that was her outlook on it. She was able to smile because she made it fun for herself. She is really a very nice person still, she just happens to have a sadistic side to her :)

Anyway, I will be going back for more. I am not sure why maybe I was deprived of oxygen during my time in kickboxing Hell, but I shall return to it on Friday. Maybe on the days of kickboxing, I will go easier on myself at the gym. I swear I deserve Dairy Queen after today! Never mind, I am too weak to move!!! until next time....

In the name of the father......

So for today's blog, I am going to give you a little of my religious background. I am not getting preachy, just telling you where I am coming from. Please stay with me.

I was not raised in the church I belong to now. I was raised Catholic. I even went to catholic school,but I no longer consider myself catholic. There is nothing wrong with the church, it just was not for me. So, growing up we had little prayers we said. Before we ate, at mass, before bed, etc. We also made the sign of the cross. Forehead, chest, shoulder, shoulder. ALL OF THE TIME! I no longer say those prayers or make the sign. Just me again. Just my own personal decision......

ANYWAY, So I have been getting to a point in my workout where all of a sudden, In my head pops a prayer that I used to say as a child! Our Father, who art in Heaven, give us this day and so on and so on.......

WHAT THE HECK??!!! I am regressing to my childhood and praying for God to give me the strength to PEDAL a BIKE??? He must have other things more important to do than to help this fat lady move her legs up and down!!! Shouldn't he be making babies, or striking a blasphemer with lightning? I am sooooo wasting his time I am sure! I have even made the sign of the cross just to make it 2 more minutes to hit my goal! My grandmother would be so proud to know that in "my time of need" I fall back on old catholic habits.

I think my point is that what ever gets me to finish my workout for the day is what I need to do. Whether it is praying an old childhood prayer, visualizing myself in my goal outfit, giving the lady on the treadmill with the skinny legs, great tight booty and huge boobs who isn't even sweating the evil eye (from the back of course!)and cursing her with a colicky baby or cellulite thighs, or even screaming in my own head and cussing out everyone in my visual distance, or making a pact with myself to hunt down the creator of exercise and to do an aerobics workout on his throat. (I do ALL of it during my 20 minute bike time).

Exercise is not a fun thing. It is something we all know we should be doing, but most of us put it off and put it off until it is more than just a healthy thing to do, it is something we HAVE to do to live. We can come up with any and every excuse as to why we can't right now, but it really does need to be done. Like shaving your legs, who WANTS to do that. It is tedious, you can cut yourself, it takes time away from anything else we have to do, but it needs to be done. If you ignore the hair growing, then you become a yeti! If you ignore exercise, you become.....Grimace from McDonald's! Well, that secured me going back tomorrow! Off to shave my legs......

Still alive

Those people that walk around saying, "I LOVE to work out, it feels so good!", they are flipping crackheads! It doesn't feel good, it hurts and it is hard to breathe and you get all nasty sweaty. What feels good is being able to SAY "I love to work out. It feels so good!" not the actual workout, but the finish.

I met another woman from church at the gym this morning. She finished her workout before I did and came over to say hi. It was just a sweet hello and then she told me that her workout was more for her sanity. In my short, shallow heaves of air I replied, "yea, me too". She then waved bye and left. All I could think was, I am such a moron! Me, with my abundance of fat, just working out for my SANITY?? Ok, my workout is for my brain, it has nothing to do with my large hiney or winged arms or that set of tires around my waist!

But there is some truth to it because I am able to be in my own head while I am working out. It is me time, and as any parent can tell you, me time is a very rare and special treasure. So maybe it wasn't a lie, or just a quick reply. Even if I am doing it mainly for my juicy booty and other fabulously fatty parts, I really do get more sanity. Because the world knows any sanity in my life at all is a start!

Well, now I get to sleep for two days to recoup and go back to it on Monday! I love to workout, it feels great! Nah, I'm not there yet.....


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Day One...Trying to breathe!

So I went to the gym today. I am all signed up. I had to commit to 13 months. I can do that. I am realllly pumped up this first day, let's see how long that stays!

I went straight to the bike because I figured Heck, I can sit and exercise? That's for me!!! Well, I did 20 minutes and it was 5 miles. My legs felt like jello! Yum, jello....NO Focus!

It actually felt really great to sweat like that for a reason other than just walking to the mailbox! Who am I kidding, in the summer I drive to the mailbox! Needless to say, I feel good about starting this. I am confident that this is going to make an impact on not only my life, but the lives of my family members. I want my husband to have a hot wife and my children to have a mom period. I also want my mom and my grandparents to have pride in me and to then get inspired.

I am setting the alarm for 5:30 am. Back to it tomorrow!

Destiny said I would be fat....she's such a jerk!

I have got to be insane! I am actually going to blog about my weightloss. Whew, so here it goes. That picture? That's me. No, not the cute one in the hat, the fat one. Yep, her.

I am 34 a mother of 3 and I have been married to the man of my dreams for 10 years. I grew up in the San Francisco bay area and I now reside in Hell, oops, I mean the desert. Outside of Las Vegas. Where it is definatley too hot to be fat! I am a photographer, homeschool teacher, chef, maid, taxi, pageant mom, etc, etc, etc.

I have been following a doctors "diet" for the past 5 months, which has consisted of vitamin B-12 shots once a month and Phentermine pills. The only other change I have made to lose weight has been to stop drinking soda (although I cheat). I was up to about 1 liter of pepsi a day. It makes me sick, now, to think I was consuming that much soda everyday.

So far, I have lost 3 dress sizes and I have gone from weighing 287 to 264. I had been doing this to appease my insurance which required a six month doc recommended diet plan before they would pay for a LapBand surgery. I really want the surgery because I had the mindset that I would only lose weight if I am starving myself. My doctor has been against weightloss surgery from the beginning. So I went to the doc for my regular check in last week and he said forget the surgery, you are doing so well, let's get you to lose the weight the right way. So I have decided to heed his advice, and do this the old fashioned way. Plus he is really hot, so it is kind of hard to argue with him.

Ok, that is out of the way...... So here I am. I joined the local gym today and I am going to blog my story. I am actually excited for this challenge. I come from a family of large people so the poor habits have been handed down generation to generation. My family even came to America from Germany and opened a bakery!!! We were made to be big! Almost everyone in my family has either diabetes, heart issues, sleep apnea. You name it, we got it! I am ready to break this horrible family curse and make sure my kids grow up healthy, happy and thin!